dirty feet

ewww. you walk around the office with your shoes off.
how nasty is that.
i understand taking them off at your desk. everyone does that. but you walk around the office in your socks.
that's just disgusting and makes me want to throw up. which would be unfortunate because this mornings breakfast burrito was delicious.

go cook yourself a clue

just because you worked at a kelseys 20 years ago does not make you a master chef.
seriously it doesn't.
i've worked in a enough kitchens in my day to know that what you're doing at kelseys isn't even technically cooking. it's more of a warming process. you warm food for people to eat.
you worked there like 20 years ago too. why are you still talking about it. especially in a context that you're trying to make yourself look like a master chef.
you're a jackass.
the world hates you.

the sound of whales mating

you're watching videos of what looks like whales mating.
i don't even know what to say about that one.
maybe you're building up your spankbank library?
i don't know.
i honestly have nothing to say to that.
the fact that you're watching whales have sex at work says it all.

9:30am

You eat a bag of doritos every morning at 9:30am. I remember eating chips for breakfast when I was like 8. You're in your 40s.
The best is when you curse your wife because she bought you the wrong kind of doritos.
Seriously. Does that ruin your day?
Fuck my breakfast dortios aren't spicey nacho, they're just nacho cheese. My day is ruined.

ham

you are eating a half of plate of peas and half of a ham for lunch.
i really wish i could take a picture because i shit you not. there is half of a diner ham on your plate.
HALF OF A FUCKING HAM!


FOR LUNCH!