drunk

i'm intoxicated
you're at home masturbating to avatar.

that's right bitch

i'm even hating on you when i'm not at work

you're gayer than monday night raw
wave your hand in front of that face

fart

he just farted at his desk.
loudly.
didn't even attempt to get up and go to the bathroom or anything.
just farted right there at his desk.
sounded like he damn near shit his pants too.

pumpkin

have you ever seen a grown ass man throw a temper tantrum because he didn't win a pumpkin carving contest?

i have.

it's embarassing.

seriously dude. it's a pumpkin carving contest at work. cool your jets. no one cares that you didn't win.

what 40 year old throws temper tantrums?
seriously?

my nephew is like 7 now and he even doesn't throw them anymore.
that's right. my 7 year old nephew is more of a man than you are.

movember

my group at work decided we'd all do movember together to raise some money for prostate cancer research. good cause and growing facial hair is always fun.
your response was: oh i can't i've got christmas pictures coming up and my wife would kill me.
seriously?
grow a fucking dick.
your wife would kill you because for 4 weeks you're growing facial hair to help fund research for the most commonly occuring cancer in men in the country.
you're the biggest pussy in the world.

i have an idea. how about you don't shave your vagina for a month. then at the end of the month get your vagina waxed and take the hair from that and make a moustache that you'll wear for one day.

what a doucheburger with cheese.