weekend

usually when someone asks you how your weekend was they want to hear how your weekend was. they don't want to hear about how your daughter found the cure to world hunger and how your son flew to the moon. seriously.
how was your weekend. well my son found the cure to cancer and my daughter built an irregation dam for starving farmers in india.
so annoying because no one cares.
as soon as she starts talking we all start sending eachother msn messages making fun of her.
that's bad. but yeah. annoying.

on a side note.
i think if your name is rachelle you're automatically hot. seriously. i've only ever known two rachelle's and both of them are smoking hot.
i think it's the extra le at the end of rachel that makes them hot.

damnit

you're back from vacation today. that's going to suck.
that means having to hear the same story about marineland 13 times in the next couple of hours.
really not looking forward to that.
i'm also assuming you'll toss in some complaining about thursday (free baseball day).

damnit i hate today.

flush!

why can't people at work flush the damn toliet?
the last thing i want to see when i walk into the bathroom is the contents of your rectum.
seriously.
flush.

the stank

honestly bitch.

Have you never worked in an office before? There are things you don't do in offices. One of those things is have constant personal phone conversations at your desk. This is okay if you have an office and you can close the door, but if you're sitting at a desk in a cubicle you go somewhere where people aren't going to hear you on the phone. Although at this point if she actually did that then she'd spend half her day away from her desk.
The second is make microwave popcorn. To anyone who has ever worked in an office or is familiar with Douglas Coupland you might know this as "the stank".
You do not cook (I don't really think it's cooking ... but let's roll with it) microwave popcorn in an office. If you want popcorn you make it like the night before and put it in a ziplock bag so the smell does not drift across the office and make everyone hungry as balls.

I think with this move you have officially become office enemy #1.

I've already planned my revenege. The one stank worse than microwave popcorn is McDonalds. I'm going to sit hear and wait for her to say she's hungry one day. Then I will promptly get up and go and get some McDonalds and just let it sit on my desk.

Seriously. No one wants to hear about your kids and no one wants to smell your popcorn.

How dare you defile my general area with the stench of your popcorn.

If I could fill a bag of popcorn with my farts then repackage it and leave it on your desk I would.
I imagine a warm bag of farts would not make for a delicious afternoon snack.

move over

there's a new sherif in town. If by sherif I mean annoying co-worker. There's a new IT woman who has taken the reign as most annoying person in my general office area.
She doesn't have an inside voice. She talks so loudly that it gives me a headache. She calls her kids at least once an hour. I'm guessing her kids are older too, because one of them is in university.
When she's not talking loudly on the phone, she's having really annoying conversations with other people where all she talks about is how great her family is.
You can't understand how loud she actually talks. Think about being in a loud club or bar and how loudly you need to speak to talk to the person beside you. Now use that voice in a quiet office setting. I swear to god half the damn office can hear her conversations.

What makes it worse is that she sits right behind me.

I'd gladly take conversations about someone fucking a cartoon character or baking cakes over having to listen to someone loudly go on about how amazing her family is.

Case in point. This morning there was a 20 minute conversation on how her son won 6 awards from school. And how he "cleaned up". Which is okay. Be proud of your son. But after she mentioned that she went on to knock other people in his program who I'm sure she's never even met. She continued on about how they don't have the same work ethic and how they're lazy and this and that. And how they really are at a disadvantage because her son is so great. All the while I'm thinking to myself. That's fine and dandy, your son might be really smart and good at school, but I'll also bet dollars for donuts that he is a virgin and no one likes him. If he's even half as full of himself as you are then bam! he's getting beat up for his lunch money and resulting in having to pay for sex.

I know that's a very immature way of me looking at it, because after all there is more to life than getting laid and retaining your lunch money, but seriously. Just shut up. I don't care how great your kid is. And neither does half the office.

stoked

one full week (well almost a full week) without having to listen to your bullshit at work.
it's like a holliday. it's going to be amazing and i am stoked.